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Outside the Box/Transcript
Brent Leroy: Hey, did you order more antifreeze? Wanda Dollard: I'm still eating and you ask me about work? That means I can write off my entire lunch, nice. Hank Yarbo: That's what she said. Brent: What? Hank: It's a joke. You know, somebody says something and then you say, "That's what she said." Brent: Yeah, but I think you're supposed to say that after something that could be a double entendre. Hank: Yeah, I know that. Wanda: I'm going back to the Ruby to get a receipt. Hank: That's what she said. Brent: You don't know what a double entrendre means, do you? Davis Quinton: Hey Brent, your nozzle's stuck in my gas tank. It's too big, I can't get it out. Hank: What? I don't think she'd say that. Doesn't sound like her. Wanda: You're completely clueless. Hank: That's what she said. Lacey Burrows: I find that after work, I'm just so happy to get home and sit down. Karen Pelly: I hear you. Emma Leroy: Me too. Well, I mean when I'm done my work at home I'm just happy to have it finished and still be at home. Lacey: Have, have you always worked in the home? Been a homemaker, you know, at home, making it homey? Karen: I think what Lacey is trying to say is, have you ever had a job? Emma: Well, I raised Brent, that's work. Lacey: Yeah, that must have been a handful. Him just sitting there. Then lying there. Karen: Eating things. I'm sure it was hard. Brent: What's with the jacket? You going to a funeral? Wanda: Ha, ha, ha, ha. Actually, I am going to a funeral. Jed Neely's. Brent: You knew Jed Neely? Wanda: Oh, yeah. Good friend. Brent: Really. Jed Neely? Wanda: I can stay at work if you like. I just think it would look good if someone from the gas station was there. He was a customer, bought a lot of gas. Brent: Oh, well I guess, that's probably... Wanda: I didn't even think. You should be going. Hug the crying relatives, take a peek in the casket. Brent: No, no, you're dressed, you go. I'll stay here and pump gas for the non-crying customers who are still alive. Wanda: OK. Davis: "Call Centre Now?" Fitzy Fitzgerald: If you flip it over it says, "Not tomorrow." I couldn't fit it all on. Aren't you gonna wear it? Davis: No. I mean, sure. Fitzy: I'm hoping all municipal employees can help spread the word about bringing a call centre to Dog River. Hank: You want to make us a dog centre? That's the worse idea I've ever heard. Davis: That's the worst idea you misheard. He wants to bring a call centre here. Hank: Oh, sorry. Call centre! That's the second worst idea I've ever heard! Fitzy: What have you got against a call centre? Hank (phone): Hey, is this the peanut butter hotline? Ah, I got a question... Automated Attendant (phone): For assistance, press 1 for the second option. To hear all options, press the pound key. We're sorry, that is not an option. Hank (phone): What? Automated Attendant (phone): To hear all options...we're sorry, that...we're sorry, we're sorry, we're sorry, we're sorry... Hank (phone): What's the pound key? What the pound key? Hank: What's the pound key? What's the pound key? Davis: The number sign. Hank: Oh. Well, why don't they just say that then? Widow: Thank you so much for coming. Wanda: Corner Gas sends it's condolences. Jeff was one of our favorite customers. Widow: Jed. Wanda: Very sad. Ooo. Oscar Leroy: What are you doing here? Wanda: I'm here to pay my respects. Oscar: You knew Jed? Wanda: Oh, of course. We played softball together. Oscar: He's been in a wheelchair for the last 15 years. Wanda: That's why we called him "wheelie." Oscar: You didn't know Jed. You're just here for the sandwiches. Wanda: I came here so I didn't have to work. Sandwiches are a nice bonus. Lacey: I am so glad you came. Karen: Well, you said when you called that you didn't know if it was police-related or not. Lacey: I need help moving my dresser. Karen: Yeah, that's not police-related. Lacey: Yeah, I kinda thought so but now that you're here... Karen: Fine. What's in the box? Lacey: Oh, I'm gonna take it downstairs with the rest of the junk. Karen: You haven't unpacked it yet? After five years? Lacey: No, I have no where to put that stuff. Karen: You want me to open it? Lacey: No, just leave it 'cause if I open it, then I have to figure out where to put everything and I don't want to. Karen: Let's open it. Lacey: Oh, forget about the box and help me move the dresser. Come on. Karen: It's not that heavy. Fitzy: This call centre is a big operation. Do you have any experience? Emma: I raised Brent. Fitzy: Well, you keep saying that. Emma: I've been on committees, I help run the gas station. Fitzy: Well, not really. Emma: I did the books, I made sure there was inventory. Give me the job or I'll come in here everyday and make your life a living hell. Fitzy: Your forcefulness could be an asset. Welcome aboard! Emma: Oh. Davis: This call centre's bad news. Fitzy's going blow all this money on infrastructure and the police budget is gonna take the hit. Then, bye-bye cop boat. Hank: Where you gonna use a cop boat? Davis: On the river. Hank: What river? Davis: Dog River. Hank: There's a river? Davis: I gotta stop this call centre. Hank: Count me in. Davis: I was afraid you were gonna say that. Brent: It's really none of your business. Karen: So, you're telling me you see a box and you're not thinking what's in it? Brent: There's a box over there and I'm not thinking what's in it. Karen: That's because you know what's in it. She has no idea what's in it and it's hers. Brent: It's probably just some old junk. Karen: That's what she said. Brent: Wow, you guys really don't get how to do that joke. Karen: What joke? Look, I have a theory of what's in there. Brent: Another box, that's your theory? The what's inside that box? Karen: I don't have a theory yet. What's your theory then? A fully cooked turkey on a platter? Brent: What, there's rules to the box? Hank: I just did three blocks. There aren't a lot of people home. Davis: This door-to-door thing is tiring. Gotta be an easier way to petition against the call centre. That might be illegal. I was thinking we could go through the phone book and call them. Hank: OK, we'll try your way first. Oscar: Ha, nice jacket. Going to a job interview? Emma: Actually, I have a job. Oscar: What? Who's going to raise Brent? Emma: Sorry, I'm a working woman now. I have a job with the town to bring a call centre to Dog River. Oscar: Who's gonna make my lunch? Emma: You are. And now that I'm working, there's going to be more stuff for you to do around the house. Oscar: I can't. I just remembered, I got a funeral to go to. Oscar: Come on, it'll be fun. Dead people, sandwiches, me. Wanda: I work alone. I mean, I skip work alone. Oscar: I want a piece of the action. Otherwise, I've gotta make my own sandwiches. Brent: Did someone say sandwiches? Wanda: No. Oscar: My friend died and uh, Wanda knows him too so we're driving to the funeral together and I was gonna grab a sandwich but there might be food there. Wanda: I can stay here and you can go stare at a dead guy. Brent: No, you go. Lacey: Oh hey, how are you? Emma: Good, busy. You know, juggling work and family. Lacey: Yes, OK. Working at home is work but honestly... Emma: No, I'm working outside the home. Lacey: No, I know, you have your little garden and it's very nice. Emma: Look, I'll try to be more clear and you can try to be less patronizing. Fitzy has hired me to be community liaison officer for the call centre. Lacey: Wow, really? That's great, congrats. Emma: So, can I sign you up for support? Lacey: No, ha, ha, but congrats. Lacey (phone): Hello. Hank (phone): Hello, I'm with the committee to stop a call centre from coming to Dog River. Actually, I'm one of the co-founders. Lacey (phone): Yes Hank, I know who you are but I'm kinda busy right now. Hank (phone): Oh, then can I please speak with the man of the house. Oscar: This looks great. Wanda: Never say "this is great" at a funeral! Oscar: Oh, right, keep it on the q-t. Yep, we really knew him well. And it's sad when people die. Wanda: Don't say anything. Oscar: Let's eat. Wanda: Have a clue! Never remove the plastic before the grieving's finished. Oscar: OK. Wanda: You get busted, I never met you. Dut, dut, dut, dut, dut. Always go for ham and cheese first. Otherwise, you get stuck with egg salad. Oscar: I've really got a lot to learn from you. Wanda: No thumbs up at a funeral. If you're stuck for something to do, just look down mournfully at your shoes. Oscar: But I like my shoes. Lacey: Karen sure is nosy. And why does she care so much what's in that box? Brent: I don't know, some people have no lives of their own. They have to live vicariously through others. Lacey: Well, I think it's sad. Brent: I agree. Hey, you know what would be funny and not sad is if you told me what was in the box. That way, we'd both know and Karen would have no idea. Lacey: I'm not telling you either. Brent: But you're missing the point. It's only funny if I know and Karen doesn't. Lacey: Now you're being nosy, why do you care so much? Brent: I don't, Karen's the nosy one. Hey, let's show her how nosy she's being by telling me what's in the box. Lacey: No. Brent: She won't budge. Probably put off by your nosiness. Karen: What is she hiding? This is gonna sound weird, but I think we should break into Lacey's house and open up that box of hers. Brent: Yeah, that does sound weird. Karen: But it wouldn't be breaking in, she did invite me, the other day. Brent: That's the rule for vampires, not cops. But before you do anything hasty, I've got one more idea. Karen: We just wanted to apologize for being nosy. Brent: Actually, she wanted to apologize about being nosy. I'm just here for support and to carry this box. Lacey: That's nice. Karen: Turns out we're not so different, you and me. I also have an unpacked box just like yours at my place. Lacey: I see that. Brent: It's heavy. I'm gonna set it down over here. Karen: You can open mine if you like. Lacey: No, but thank you, I appreciate that. Brent: Well, we should get going. Lacey: Here, let me get your box. Brent: No, no, that's OK. Lacey: Oh, no. Which one is it? They're identical. Brent: It's that one. Lacey: Or was is this one? Or no, maybe it was this one. You know what? I'm just gonna keep shuffling and then maybe I'll figure it out. Emma (phone): Hello? Davis (phone): Hello, this is Davis Quinton. I'm calling on for the Dog River coalition against call centres. Emma (phone): Davis, I'm just on my way back to work. Davis (phone): Ha, ha, come on, Emma. You don't work. This'll only take a second. Emma (phone): I have a job at the call centre. Davis (phone): Hey, me too! I'm calling people to stop it from coming. Emma (phone): No, I want it to come here. Davis (phone): Oh, so you can get a job. Emma (phone): I have a job. Davis (phone): Right. I'll put you down against call centres. Thank you. Lacey: I'm sorry, I think I might have made is worse but I'm not gonna open it because that would be nosy. Right Karen? Karen: Right. Brent: That's OK, I know which on it is. Lacey: Thanks for stopping by. Brent: Are you sure we got the right box? She mixed them up pretty good. Karen: Part of being a cop is having excellent observational skills. She didn't fool me with her little shell game. Brent: Socks. Why would somebody be secretive about socks? Karen: Those are my socks. Brent: How'd she get your socks? Geez, you were right to be nosy. Oscar: Worst funeral ever. I'm never going to one of Henry's funerals again. Wanda: You almost got us kicked out. Oscar: So much to learn. So, when's the next one? Wanda: Ah, you know what? There's no more funerals on the horizon. It's back to work. Oscar: No, we got a good thing going here! Wanda: It's over. Some people died and we had a few laughs, and snacks, now it's time to move on. Oscar: No, we can keep this going. We just have to think outside the box. There's more than just funerals. Oscar: To the birthday boy! Kids: Yeah! Oscar: Well, well, well, I knew you couldn't resist. Wanda: It's my kid's birthday party. Oscar: You crashed your own kid's party? Wanda: No, and I don't remember putting crazy, old man on the invite list. Oscar: Well, your sandwiches are stale. Wanda: I didn't make them. They're from the funeral. Brent: Now you're going to a funeral? Man, people are dropping like flies. Emma: No, I'm dressed for work. I have a job. Brent: OK. Emma: I do, but I don't want you to feel neglected because you have a working mom. I know some of your other friend's moms don't work. Brent: I could go for a few hours of neglect right about now. Emma: I want you to sign this petition, in support for... Brent: Hang on. Brent (phone): Hello. Davis (phone): Hey Brent. I'm calling for the Dog River coalition against the call centre. Brent (phone): Hank's thing? Davis (phone): We're co-founders. Actually, it's more my thing. Anyway, can we count on your support? Brent (phone): I'll think about it. Davis (phone): Do you really want Dog River to be associated with call centres? Brent (phone): I don't know, could I just... Davis (phone): People don't like to pestered on the phone, Brent. Brent (phone): I can't imagine. I, I should go. Davis (phone): They really don't like it. Brent (phone): I'm going to hang up now. Davis (phone): One more thing. Would you say the quality of this call was somewhat satisfactory, very satisfactory or extremely satisfactory? Brent (phone): Do you have a thing that's opposite to that? Davis (phone): I'll put you down for extremely. See ya! Brent: Sorry, Mom. Now what is this about? Hang on. Brent (phone): Corner Gas. Hank (phone): Hello, I'm with a committee to stop a call centre... Brent (phone): Davis called me already. Hank: Did you call Brent? Davis: Yeah, just now. Hank: He's on my list. Davis: Oh, you were calling his work. I was calling his cell phone. Hank (phone): Sorry for the mix-up, sir. Before I let you go, could I just ask you find this call somewhat satisfactory... Hank: He hung up. Davis: Put him down as a "yes." Emma: Anyway, just sign here. Brent: I don't think I can. This call centre seems like a really bad idea. Helen Jensen (phone): I would say somewhat satisfactory. OK, bye Hank. Wanda: Can I talk to you for a sec? Ah, there's no pleasant way to say this, but I think someone's been crashing the funerals around here. Helen: Really? Wanda: Yes. Helen: Well, you would know, you're at almost all of them. Do you have any idea who? Wanda: I don't want to mention any names, but let's just say it's Oscar. Oscar Leroy. Keep an eye out. He stuffs his pockets with food. Helen: That's terrible! Wanda: Yeah. I saw him fill his hat with soup once. Oscar: Heh, heh. Helen: Well. Oscar: I wanna warn ya, Fitzy's grandmother's on to us. Wanda: Us? Oscar: Somebody must have blabbed. Luckily, I ditched my pocket sandwiches. Wanda: Oh, no. Oscar: Right, look at our shoes. Gotcha. Karen: It's not a break-in if you have a warrant. Brent: Oh, so this is a break-in. Karen: Well, we wouldn't be here if you'd just grabbed the right box in the first place. Brent: Oh, it's Lacey! Cheese it! Lacey: Hello? Hello? Hank (phone): Hello, coalition against the call centre. Co-founder Hank speaking. Lacey (phone): Hank? Look, I need to speak with Davis or Karen. Someone just broke into my house. Hank (phone): Oh, I'm sorry. No police emergencies on this line. Call centre business only. Thank you. Hank: You have got to stop giving out this number. Davis: There's nothing I can do. I think it's on the side of the car. Helen: Hi, Wanda. I hate to do this but could you empty your purse? Wanda: Ah, I have never been so insulted. But since I have nothing to hide...now if you'll excuse me. Helen: That looks like egg salad. Wanda: It does, doesn't it? Helen: Ah-ha! Wanda: Oscar put it there. Helen: Oscar's mourning. Wanda: He's staring at his shoes. I taught him that. Karen: Lacey! Did you call the police? Lacey: Yes, but Hank said that... Karen: Got your call and I just apprehended the trespasser outside. Lucky for you all he took was this box. Lacey: Hmm. Karen: I just happened to be walking by, and then he escaped. Well, I'll see you later. Lacey: Uh-uh. Were you trying to steal that? Karen: No! OK, yes, but it wasn't just me. Brent was in on it too. Brent: Oh, hey. Heh, I know this looks bad but I have a reasonable explanation that hasn't come to me yet. Lacey: Oh, you two are pathetic, do you know that? Brent: I dropped my keys last time I was here. I said reasonable explanation, not good. Lacey: Oh, you know what? Fine, I don't even care anymore. I'll open the box. Karen: Well, if that's what you think is best. Emma: Now people think I'm connected to you. Someone just threw a bun at my head. Hank: We're getting through to people. Emma: No, you're just annoying people which makes my job harder. Davis: You really have a job with the call centre? Fitzy: No, she doesn't. I'm cancelling the call centre. Emma: What about my career? Fitzy: I don't know how you can stand there and be for this call centre. Emma: You hired me. Fitzy: Before I realized how annoying call centres can be. Hank and Davis really opened my eyes. Hank: Well, we do what we can. Fitzy: And because of you, I've recommended they take their stupid call centre to Wullerton. Emma: I wonder if they're hiring. Brent: "Peace on Earth" is all it said. Karen: So it's just full of Christmas decorations? Lacey: No, all my Christmas decorations are already unpacked, these aren't mine. Angus: We've been asking about that box for five years now. Why won't you tell me what's in the box? Mary: Because it's none of your business. Lacey: This might not be my box. Category:Transcripts